I'm supposed to know what I'm doing, and I don't have a fucking clue.
I've been avoiding my feelings but feel miserable avoiding them anyway.
I bought a 4-pack of ordinary double chocolate muffins and I've been eating them with peanut butter and watching Netflix. I don't usually eat GLUTEN and they're not even organic. If you know me at all, you'd know that's BIG.
I'm in ...anything to stop me from feeling my desperation and collapse... mode.
I want to be seen for my depth, wisdom, and I want to be valued and sought out. I want to be known as an expert, as successful, and right now I feel like a total failure.
That is crazy vulnerable to type out and share here.
As much as I trust myself in some areas, there are some where I just feel like I'm out of my league. Stuck. Over my head. Not knowing how to move forward, wanting to give up.
I've literally been hoping that women will manifest out of nowhere, ready and devoted to sign up to my 12-week program.
It's magical thinking.
I was SO clear and inspired when I created this course, and I keep asking the universe why it's not enrolling easily.
What's wrong with me? I'm not good enough, and they know! OMG... it spirals from there.
My coach said to me, you have to be as committed as you want them to be. As much as I get that, my internal dialogue is convincing me that this isn't right and I should stop even trying.
P.S. I resisted taking a photo and letting you see me like this, but I’m doing it anyway, because it IS me.